Horror Stories of the Thyroid Kind

I fired the sixth doctor this year due to lack of communication which I felt has been keeping me ill and will eventually kill me. What did the doctors miss? Did I neglect to properly inform them? Yes, my friendly friends, I did neglect, but it was not on my porpoise – my porpoise is quite slippery, so nothing sticks to her. It was on my karma chameleon culture, a more “clingish” surface.

I am sure they call me “difficult”. I could easily reverse the tag and call them: dismissive, overbearing, and uninformed… I could easily save the insurance company lots of money if we could all work together, but compartmentalization won’t allow for unity of purpose. Just with my experiences; the headache compartment does not share with the head case compartment. The sex drive doc doesn’t talk to the menstrual doc. The “lump in my throat from age 7 on” doc, does not exist. The “what if the lumps in my feet and my neck are related” doctor has been out to lunch for eternity. From lumps to eternity.

My lack was due to lack: lack of health training; lack of public will to find and promote proper health training for “the people”; and last, lack of energy for training ourselves to be healthy. We are the spoilt brats of the Earth. Being Bigly Kingsleys in tiny teapots, we need and desire servants to bring us our “bottle when we get dry”, but we have liberated our slaves and now we fear them, so we have opped for fastie foodsters, provided by, corporations (small bizzies with monster sized heads – CEOs) said, “Fear not, we will un-enslave you. We will bring delicious tiddie bitties and at no extra charge, we include a multitude of mystery ingredients to extend shelf life, which are in reality, poisons that preserve.”

Doctors belong to the “American Medical Association.” This group is involved with politics. Involvement provides doctors with protection. Where is the “American Patients’ Association? What am I am missing? Have I sin-nerd (missed the mark due to lack of social grace)? So many question, right? The most pertinent question of all: Why do the doctors be more bigly of Kingsterism than I? This is not fair. Having advanced upon my age and it upon me, I feel it is incumbent on me to get what I need so my last few minutiae on Earth can be lucid enough to write shit down for newly tinies who might some day give it a read and learn to cross a T or expatriate milk from their lips during unrestrained guffaws.

My Health and Unwellness Story

  1. I don’t know for sure, but I have had a “golf ball” in my throat since I was a child. Was it from living in radioactive sites as a young child?
  2. Or possibly it came from drinking fluoride in the water from age eight.
  3. Undoubtedly it could have been my “Jergen’s lotion habit”. I was a one bottle per week user. I drank Jergen’s lotion when Mother was not looking. I don’t know why. Maybe to get her attention. She liked her pets better than me. Jergen’s Lotion held sway with me at the time.
  4. Growing up I was chubby and tired and withdrawn.
  5. I started on Levothyroxine (fake T4) soon after my thyroidectomy in 1995. The surgery was due to follicular nodes on the right side. They removed the right side. The surgeon informed me that I now suffered from “Iatrogenic Thyroid Disease” and to be sure to tell subsequent doctors these words. I have done so from time to time and have found the doctors unamused with my hubris. Doctrish words must not be spoken by peasant patients.
  6. Soon after the surgery, my periods converted from mild discomfort to rivers of blood lasting 2 weeks or more. One year after my iatrogenic disease began, I opted for a hysterectomy, only to discover that my normal …
  7. sex drive plummeted to nothing, so the lover would not be happy and I knew I would never be the same (Oops, just made myself sob) so …
  8. Confused, mentally broken (another symptom of T3 deprivation) I jilted my devoted Scrappy Man Who Loved me into his core being and I loved him the most of any men  I had ever manned before him or after him. Thinking myself wrong and bad, I ruined my life for the manyeth time.
  9. Exhausted and undoubtedly anemic, I functioned at low levels, until my mental break in 1999. Then a course of anti-depressants took me from catatonic to stumbling and back to mildly insipid. I settled on nothing for a few years until I cracked again in 2004.
  10. In 2007 I received an award for disability, which was no prize. Over the years from 2007 I have had bunionectomy and lumpectomy on my feet, gall bladder removed, breast reduction. During this time I developed a sleeping sickness called…
  11. fibromyalgia.
  12. In 2014 Nodes began to grow on the remainder of the thyroid gland – the left side.

All this time I had been taking the same Levothyroxine T4. This medication has 16 ingredients, one of which is the medicine. Since it is too difficult to source those ingredients, people with sensitivities are at risk. The most horrifying aspect of it a round- robin effect. The very ingredients prevent the conversion of T4 into T3, which has to happen or the patient will die, or at least be low functioning; muahaahaahaaa!

  1. A sensitivity reaction can prevent T4 from converting to T3
  2. My medication recently changed to a new brand of T4 and immediately I felt better. My new brand is Levoxyl. It contains 6 ingredients. Removal of 10 mystery ingredients has changed my life. The pharmacy did this due to availability. I was pleased for the moment, then I asked, ” Will you continue this for me?” Must I even utter the words, “Of course we can’t. We haven’t got a clue when shit is coming and what it will be.”
  3. Evidently, even if it makes me sick, I cannot control the medicine that I put into my body. And if it doesn’t make me sick then by all means, play keep-away with me, for I have frittered away two weeks of joyful feelio on the flu.  This is a truly horrifying gauntlet. The Gauntlet of the Razorblades. Sliding down the Razorblade of Life creates so many compartmentalized pieces of oneself. Ouch!
  4. Talking to my doctor about this turned into a shouting match. She literally held her hand up in front of my face (talk to the hand), and would not hear anything from me. She said that she did not know anything about this and so could not prescribe; except… if I wanted the radioactive scan, she would order it for me. She refused to give me the simple and non-toxic solution (T3), but she would happily radiate my neck, which is a good way to kill it entirely.
  5. I simply wanted to change brands to an even cleaner version called Tirosint. She surmised that my insurance would not pay, never suggesting what I know, which is to write a prior authorization with the specification of sensitivity to excipients and/or unknown ingredients. Doctors do this all the time.
  6. My doctor said that in 35 years of practice she had never seen a problem with the standard T4 med. I guess that meant she has been mis-treating, one in thirty six patients. We had only recently met.

Yes, my research is from the Internet, but not from alien abductees and celebrity diets. I have followed the evidence from peer-reviewed studies. There are more than enough legitimate researchers out there. Those who care to debunk Internet information should remember that NASA, the American Government and the daily news all have a presence. The Internet is Modernia’s newspaper. The following Internet quote explains my experience.

“I have a dream that patients no longer have to “doctor hop” in a desperate attempt to finally find that elusive doctor who actually listens to what is going on rather than randomly doing their own irrelevant tests and recklessly milking the insurance (and sometimes their patients) for all they are worth.”

Only about 12% of people fall out of the normal range of simple testing. That’s 36 million people misdiagnosed and/or pushed into discounted sub-groups where they are medicated for alternate illnesses like Fibromyalgia. In the long run, they could be addicts and malcontents shuttled off to jails and such.

The only way I can discover if poor T4 conversion has caused multiple illnesses over the years, is by getting some real T3 into my system. .5mcg would be revealing.

I have a plan that can work, if only I can have a doctor who doesn’t diagnose by the test only, and the wrong test. Naturopathic doctors have much more training for this issue. If I can’t have a Naturopath, then please find an MD that will prescribe Tirosint and Cytomel.

Thyroid T3, T4 etc…


According to Kent Holtorf, MD, a Reverse T3 level above 150—or a Free T3/Reverse T3 ratio that exceeds .2 [when the Free T3 is measured in picograms per milliliter (pg/mL)]—may indicate hypothyroidism.

Says Dr. Holtorf:

(I have never had this test): A high reverse T3 demonstrates that there is either an inhibition of reverse T3 uptake into the cell and/or there is increased T4 to reverse T3 formation. …Reverse T3 is an excellent marker for reduced cellular T4 and T3 levels not detected by TSH or serum T4 and T3 levels. …high or high normal RT3 is not only an indicator of tissue hypothyroidism but also that T4 only replacement would not be considered optimal in such cases and would be expected to have inadequate or sub-optimal results.

Treating Elevated Reverse T3

According to integrative practitioners, one of the key ways to address elevated RT3 and “cellular hypothyroidism” is through thyroid treatment with a medication that contains T3.

One preferred form is time-released T3. Time-released T3 is a compounded form of T3 available by prescription. In some cases, this T3 is prescribed as a stand-alone thyroid treatment.

In other cases, T3 is added to a synthetic T4 prescription drug (i.e., Synthroid, Unithroid, Tirosint), or a prescription natural desiccated thyroid drug (i.e., Nature-throid, Armour) is prescribed.

Reverse T3: The Challenge

Patients who are interested in RT3 testing may be challenged to find a physician willing to run the tests, or treat any imbalances. Endocrinologists, many of whom do not test T3, RT3, or prescribe T3 medications, may not be a good choice for those patients. Instead, an integrative physician, holistic MD, or physician with expertise in hormone balance may be needed.

Holistic gynecologist and hormone expert Sara Gottfried, MD, author of The Hormone Cure, has integrated Reverse T3 testing into her practice.

“I used to order Reverse T3 in a patient if I’d optimized the TSH and Free T3 but the patient still had hypothyroidism symptoms, but now I order it more often at the start, because I think it’s informative in deciding about the formulation. For example, if a patient has high Reverse T3, I’m more likely to use the compounded, time-released T3 as part of their treatment.”


National Academy of Hypothyroidism, http://www.nahypothyroidism.org
Van den Beld, Annewieke. Thyroid Hormone Concentrations, Disease, Physical Function and Mortality in Elderly Men. The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism, 2005; 90(12):6403-6409

Low thyroid causes or contributes to the symptoms of many conditions but the deficiency is often missed by standard thyroid testing.

My symptoms are italicized:

Hypothyroidism is a common disorder where there is inadequate cellular thyroid effect to meet the needs of the tissues. Typical symptoms of hypothyroidism include fatigue, weight gain, depression, cold extremities, muscle aches, headaches, decreased libido, weakness, cold intolerance, water retention, premenstrual syndrome (PMS) and dry skin.

This is frequently the case with depression, hypercholesterolemia (high cholesterol), menstrual irregularities, infertility, PMS, chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), fibromyalgia, fibrocystic breasts, polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), hyperhomocysteinuria (high homocystine), atherosclerosis, hypertension, obesity, diabetes and insulin resistance


Medical Journey of the Crappy Kind

The fresh and new gorillaeatspopsicle doctor entered my waiting room and with a personable hand shake we began our healing dance together; or so I had hoped. We talked for 45 minutes. It was tentatively all right, but then came the whammy. I said that I would like to change NDT brands from Armour to something else because I had heard that Armour desiccated thyroid had become unreliable. Well, she jumped on that like a dog on a bone. I knew that all was lost.

She promised to send me to Eugene, to the “best endocrinologist around.” I cringed. That means more of the same.

  • TSH test is normal
  • T4 Levothyroxine
  • You are fine, nothing wrong with you
  • Go to your psychiatrist
  • You have an undiagnosable fantom disease
  • You are Fibromyalgic and we can’t treat that
  • How about Gabapentin?
  • How about some Oxy?
  • Tylenol-4000 mg per day is all right

My fresh, new Womun doctor does not listen so well. I told her about the 4 Nodules growing on the remaining side of my thyroid, all documented by Dr. Shimo with biopsies and sonar scans and she said, “Ah yes, a goiter.” Read something, for Goddess’ sake! The Nodules grow ON the gland and are potential carcinogenic. Goiter IS THE GLAND and is not cancerous.

I knew that training a new doctor would be challenging when I left Tucson. I had my Tucson dude trained to dance like a master. He twirled me around like I was a tiny dancer. We harmonized too, in unison. Except for the thyroid. I could not convince him to abandon the Doctrine of Thyroid. Ha, ha; I said “doc-trine”! So I journeyed to the upper west coast to enjoy beautiful country in hopes of finding a Naturopath. Interestingly, the Oregon Health Plan booklet clearly states that I can have a Naturopath for my Primary Care doctor, but the lady on the other end of the phone almost shouted that WE DO NOT COVER THAT!

As it stands, I am my own Naturopath. I have Armour from the last Nurse Practitioner and more can be had online. I will get some. I will be my own Naturopath. Who better than me? I know how I feel.

Evidently, the docs don’t like NDT (Natural Dessicated Thyroid) because it has a short half life and they just can’t keep track. The best option is possibly combination therapy.

  • 50 mg Levothyroxine in AM
  • 30 mg NDT AM
  • 30 mg NDT PM

Levo has a long half life. I have read it from 2.5 days to 2 weeks. NDT has from 4-12 hours. That is a big gap. It must be different for each individual. Oh gee, we are all a bit different? What a surprise! We live in different environments. We have different genetics. Pardon my sarcasm, but don’t. I am sick of this shit! And one more thing; why are they still bleeping that word? SHIT!

My Thyroid Journey

Evidently there is no one qualified to administer Armour Thyroid to me on Oregon Medicare. I have been doctor-hopping, but still on the Levothyroxine and tired as hell. If I wasn’t on an anti-depressant, I probably would kill myself because I feel so terrible.

The most recent leg of My Thyroid Journey has been the challenge to change medication. That’s all. I want to try Natural Desiccated Thyroid because I am over-the-moon-tired. My blood tests are “normal range” and yet I don’t feel well. The excuse for that is Fibromyalgia, but what if it’s not? What if a simple change in medicine would help me? What if NDT would restore my energy levels?

Of course I have been reading about blood tests and t-this and t-that, but my nurse/practitioner does not want to hear me, even though she says, “I hear you,” she says it for effect, not for real. I know this because we have no dialogue. She gets her results but I don’t get mine.

So I continue to take an antidepressant @ $272 per month, which I may not need if I change to NDT. But we will never know if she won’t play along. Is it possible that she does not know enough about this problem to deal with it accordingly? If that were true would she tell me about her lack of expertise in the area? It would be unethical for me to answer for another person. The question is enough of an indictment, if you get my meaning.

Watermelon and leaves.


The simplest soups require little attention and provide maximum nutrition. Forgetful cooks, like myself, can disguise bouts of memory loss when forgotten batches of soup are found later in the day and the family is so surprised.   This lovely-unexpected treat will delight everyone. Simmer, don’t boil your soup. Simmering reserves the vitamins and minerals in their correct form and amounts.

Most people love beans … and I am no exception. Use bean dip to add extra body and flavor. Mix 1/2 cup of bean concentrate with 1/2 cup of water. Use a medium sized bowl for this practice. If you drop that load of glorp (a technical term) into the vast sea of soup, you may lose it forever. Abandoned at the far reaches of the pot, it may burn.

Soaking Beans … Think about what the beans are doing. Think about their condition. They are dry, yes, dried. We are now re-hydrating them, so it stands to reason that soaking them in nasty water will turn them into nasty beans!

Use Redmond Clay or some sort of bentonite, about 2 tablespoons per cup of dry beans. This will remove the gas. Be sure to discard the water after rehydration has been achieved. Add fresh distilled water and proceed to simmer for several hours until tender. Remember, boiled beans are carbohydrate, simmered beans are protein.

Serving Tip … float slices of avocado on the surface and squeeze lime into the bowl for a Mexican touch.


Keep in mind that distilled water has been boiled and thus rendered an immune suppressor, so stick to reverse osmosis and ultraviolet treatments and leave the distilled water to your steam iron.

Water … use purified water if possible. Chlorinated water is really bad for us these days. Chlorine combines with chemical impurities and creates carcinogenic buggers in the body. Also, it tastes lousy. Chlorine ruins the flavor of food and drink, so use pure water.

If you can get your hands on structured water, do so. Literally, if you reiki your water before drinking, you can create structured water right on the spot. There are many sources, the next easiest being the sun. Yes, fill a bowl with water and set it out in the sun for a couple of hours. Be sure to allow the rays of Sol to touch the water.

#1 favorite restaurant pet peeve … Chlorinated drinking water in my glass. Look carefully at this picture… elegant glassware, fancy goblets, tinkling ice cubes. The waiter steps up to the plate. Splashing and dashing, he pours cold water from a sweating pitcher in swaddling clothes. He pours with aplomb (not to be confused with a pear or a bomb).

The crystalline beverage is appealing. Tiny droplets of sweat drip down the gentle curves of the glass. A ring of moisture creeps out from beneath. White linen absorbs the dewy gift. The yellow crescent of lemon salutes!

“Boy am I thirsty!” I exclaim. I grasp the refreshing object in my parched hand and put it to my lips. Yuck.   My nose registers ‘bouquet de chlorine’, an aroma that takes me back…

My thoughts now zoom to a childhood scenario with a hundred screaming kids at a public swimming pool. I am doing my best mermaid impersonation. I surface. My stunning grace, dolphin-like water ‘batics, is being filmed by my personal life-video film crew (they accompany me everywhere and always). My moment of glory is marred as some dumb, fat kid jumps right in front of me with a huge splash, jamming my nose, to the eyeballs with a tidal wave of urine infested, chlorinated pool water. Downer!

I return to the restaurant. In a state of dismay I put down the glass and ask for a wine. Margarita, anyone?

This chlorine sensitivity does not affect everyone like it does me, but do keep in mind that I am your canary, and when I fall into a tizzy you are not far behind, you are just a little tougher than me. I cannot even begin to discuss the tizzy I fall into after drinking the Margarita, but at least it doesn’t stink! The poison budget includes such nasties as booze. Celiacs beware the Vodka; it is made with grain these days.

Soup Stock

Always check your soy sauce source for gluten. Tamari is usually gluten free and should say so on the label. Asians use barley for sweetener and barley is very high in gluten.

  • Kukicha Twig Tea
  • Green tea
  • Simmered bones
  • Simmered veggies
  • Road Kill (Just Kidding!)
  • Diluted Juices

Stock can be made or bought, but I recommend making your own. Check labels when you buy. Avoid anything hydrolyzed, flavorings, msg and brewer’s yeast and sodium. They really pour it in to the cans and the bouillon cubes.

Two Potato Soup

1 large jewel yam

4 yellow flesh potatoes

1 bunch red chard

1 clove garlic

1 small leek

1 16 oz. Can coconut milk

1 T seaweed

1 quart chicken stock

Salt to taste

3 T light cooking oil (grapeseed is my current preference)

Saute potatoes and leek for 15 minutes. Then add the other ingredients and heat the entire mixture on low. This one is so creamy, you will swear you are eating gluten!

Mexican Miso Soup       •      Frijoles-San


red bell peppers

summer squash,

poblano peppers,

potatoes, and Leek

2 quarts water

salt to taste

1 tsp. GF soy sauce  

1 tsp. cumin

1 tsp. garlic

1 cup cooked & mashed winter squash

Sauté’ veggies in olive oil until tender.

Add the spices to the oil and veggies. Stir that around for a minute or two and add the water. Simmer the soup for 30 minutes. Add miso to each bowl and mix with a small amount of soup stock before adding the soup. You know, equal parts of goop and water.

Smush miso with a fork until thoroughly blended. Wallie! Miso must not boil or it will lose its enzyme value and that enzyme is why we eat it!

So pay attention and never boil your miso. You can reheat it later; just keep the flame very low. Don’t boil your miso. It is your enzyme friend. It does the same thing in your tummy that yogurt does without the dairy.

Don’t boil your miso

Iatrogenic Disorder

Yesterday the womun dentist pulled two side teeth. Last Night. I ran out of Lithium and and did not sleep a wink.. Not one stinkin’ wink until about 5 AM. Do you see the problem? Two factors in one!

  1. Allergic to Acetaminophen
  2. Lithium makes me sleepy

Anyway, I did not stand a chance. At least I know the story. The story of me. I have spent my entire life figuring me out and am proud to say, I know me fairly well. It feels good. Screw ups still happen and now I know why. Sometimes I gamble and lose and sometimes, like last night I block out the truth in hopes it will not catch up to me. At 3AM I suddenly got in touch with my symptoms and “remembered” that I must not take that stuff. I took a small dose thinking a bit of pain relief would be nice,  and two days later, I am still buzzed. Back in  the day when the pill doctor told me I could take up to 4K a day without liver damage, I was using 1K per day. Pain is the mind killer (Dune). It wasn’t long until I lay awake all night with restless leg syndrome! This is a horrible problem. All night the victims stretches her legs over and over for relief from a fleeting and remitting tightening. The she rolls over and tries another position, but there is no relief, no rest and no relief. Stretching and shifting every ten seconds is an awful way to spend the night. Did I mention “no relief?” Involuntarily stretching, all night.

Yes, my Brilliant Ones, Restless Leg Syndrome is an allergic reaction to pharmaceuticals. It is an Iatrogenic disease! (doctor caused). Today I can’t turn my head without hearing bells ring. That’s what I get from 400mg of Tylenol. Can you imagine what it does to a baby? People give that shit to children all the time.

“The doctor said it is safe.”

The Devil is Refined

I like to say that dairy is pus and flour is paste and refined powders are addictive, like granulated and powdered sugar, cocaine, heroin and meth. Anything that goes from a recognizable plant to a fine white powder is the Devil. This page is all about remembering that the only good food comes in her original package not in plastic, cardboard or even glass. Eat the apple, leave the juice. It has all the life filtered out of it.

Coca leaves are not addicting, but refined cocaine is a pimp and you are an innocent young maiden hearing his exciting promises of wealth and independence. No contest.


“Coca is known throughout the world for its psychoactive alkaloid, cocaine. The alkaloid content of coca leaves is low, between 0.25% and 0.77%.[4] This means that chewing the leaves or drinking coca tea does not produce the high (euphoria, megalomania, depression) people experience with cocaine. Coca leaf extract had been used in Coca-Cola products since 1885, with cocaine being completely eliminated from the products on or around 1929.[5][6] Extraction of cocaine from coca requires several solvents and a chemical process known as an acid/base extraction, which can fairly easily extract the alkaloids from the plant.”   Wikipedia


Milk of the poppy is a valuable pain reliever that is not addicting when used for a short time. Like anything used more than 30 days, it will become a standard of daily life and thus a possible addiction. 

Meth comes from ephedra, which is highly enervating, but I was able to stop when I couldn’t sleep. I wanted to sleep more than I desired to twirl around the house cooking and sweeping. The thing is, meth is far removed from its ancestor ephedra or Ma Huang, as the Chinese call it. We called it “stick tea” in the Southwest. Is is a lung remedy and a “happy drink”.

Ephedra-SinicaMeth comes from a pharmaceutical derivative. It is born from many levels of refinement. Below you can see the hard crystals that are manufactured from the plant above. Those sores on the faces below are typical of using the crystal. Using the plant does not mess you up like these poor crystal-addicted folks.

The farther we go from the source, the more intense are the effects. White sugar does not resemble a big fat sugar beet. After two years of Macrobiotics, I tasted a sugar drink and spit it out because it was too intense. That sugar taste was beyond my tolerance.


This Ted Talk is so enlightening. I know you will like it…

The Tao of Chow