Medical Journey of the Crappy Kind

The fresh and new gorillaeatspopsicle doctor entered my waiting room and with a personable hand shake we began our healing dance together; or so I had hoped. We talked for 45 minutes. It was tentatively all right, but then came the whammy. I said that I would like to change NDT brands from Armour to something else because I had heard that Armour desiccated thyroid had become unreliable. Well, she jumped on that like a dog on a bone. I knew that all was lost.

She promised to send me to Eugene, to the “best endocrinologist around.” I cringed. That means more of the same.

  • TSH test is normal
  • T4 Levothyroxine
  • You are fine, nothing wrong with you
  • Go to your psychiatrist
  • You have an undiagnosable fantom disease
  • You are Fibromyalgic and we can’t treat that
  • How about Gabapentin?
  • How about some Oxy?
  • Tylenol-4000 mg per day is all right

My fresh, new Womun doctor does not listen so well. I told her about the 4 Nodules growing on the remaining side of my thyroid, all documented by Dr. Shimo with biopsies and sonar scans and she said, “Ah yes, a goiter.” Read something, for Goddess’ sake! The Nodules grow ON the gland and are potential carcinogenic. Goiter IS THE GLAND and is not cancerous.

I knew that training a new doctor would be challenging when I left Tucson. I had my Tucson dude trained to dance like a master. He twirled me around like I was a tiny dancer. We harmonized too, in unison. Except for the thyroid. I could not convince him to abandon the Doctrine of Thyroid. Ha, ha; I said “doc-trine”! So I journeyed to the upper west coast to enjoy beautiful country in hopes of finding a Naturopath. Interestingly, the Oregon Health Plan booklet clearly states that I can have a Naturopath for my Primary Care doctor, but the lady on the other end of the phone almost shouted that WE DO NOT COVER THAT!

As it stands, I am my own Naturopath. I have Armour from the last Nurse Practitioner and more can be had online. I will get some. I will be my own Naturopath. Who better than me? I know how I feel.

Evidently, the docs don’t like NDT (Natural Dessicated Thyroid) because it has a short half life and they just can’t keep track. The best option is possibly combination therapy.

  • 50 mg Levothyroxine in AM
  • 30 mg NDT AM
  • 30 mg NDT PM

Levo has a long half life. I have read it from 2.5 days to 2 weeks. NDT has from 4-12 hours. That is a big gap. It must be different for each individual. Oh gee, we are all a bit different? What a surprise! We live in different environments. We have different genetics. Pardon my sarcasm, but don’t. I am sick of this shit! And one more thing; why are they still bleeping that word? SHIT!


My Thyroid Journey

Evidently there is no one qualified to administer Armour Thyroid to me on Oregon Medicare. I have been doctor-hopping, but still on the Levothyroxine and tired as hell. If I wasn’t on an anti-depressant, I probably would kill myself because I feel so terrible.

The most recent leg of My Thyroid Journey has been the challenge to change medication. That’s all. I want to try Natural Desiccated Thyroid because I am over-the-moon-tired. My blood tests are “normal range” and yet I don’t feel well. The excuse for that is Fibromyalgia, but what if it’s not? What if a simple change in medicine would help me? What if NDT would restore my energy levels?

Of course I have been reading about blood tests and t-this and t-that, but my nurse/practitioner does not want to hear me, even though she says, “I hear you,” she says it for effect, not for real. I know this because we have no dialogue. She gets her results but I don’t get mine.

So I continue to take an antidepressant @ $272 per month, which I may not need if I change to NDT. But we will never know if she won’t play along. Is it possible that she does not know enough about this problem to deal with it accordingly? If that were true would she tell me about her lack of expertise in the area? It would be unethical for me to answer for another person. The question is enough of an indictment, if you get my meaning.

Watermelon and leaves.


The simplest soups require little attention and provide maximum nutrition. Forgetful cooks, like myself, can disguise bouts of memory loss when forgotten batches of soup are found later in the day and the family is so surprised.   This lovely-unexpected treat will delight everyone. Simmer, don’t boil your soup. Simmering reserves the vitamins and minerals in their correct form and amounts.

Most people love beans … and I am no exception. Use bean dip to add extra body and flavor. Mix 1/2 cup of bean concentrate with 1/2 cup of water. Use a medium sized bowl for this practice. If you drop that load of glorp (a technical term) into the vast sea of soup, you may lose it forever. Abandoned at the far reaches of the pot, it may burn.

Soaking Beans … Think about what the beans are doing. Think about their condition. They are dry, yes, dried. We are now re-hydrating them, so it stands to reason that soaking them in nasty water will turn them into nasty beans!

Use Redmond Clay or some sort of bentonite, about 2 tablespoons per cup of dry beans. This will remove the gas. Be sure to discard the water after rehydration has been achieved. Add fresh distilled water and proceed to simmer for several hours until tender. Remember, boiled beans are carbohydrate, simmered beans are protein.

Serving Tip … float slices of avocado on the surface and squeeze lime into the bowl for a Mexican touch.


Keep in mind that distilled water has been boiled and thus rendered an immune suppressor, so stick to reverse osmosis and ultraviolet treatments and leave the distilled water to your steam iron.

Water … use purified water if possible. Chlorinated water is really bad for us these days. Chlorine combines with chemical impurities and creates carcinogenic buggers in the body. Also, it tastes lousy. Chlorine ruins the flavor of food and drink, so use pure water.

If you can get your hands on structured water, do so. Literally, if you reiki your water before drinking, you can create structured water right on the spot. There are many sources, the next easiest being the sun. Yes, fill a bowl with water and set it out in the sun for a couple of hours. Be sure to allow the rays of Sol to touch the water.

#1 favorite restaurant pet peeve … Chlorinated drinking water in my glass. Look carefully at this picture… elegant glassware, fancy goblets, tinkling ice cubes. The waiter steps up to the plate. Splashing and dashing, he pours cold water from a sweating pitcher in swaddling clothes. He pours with aplomb (not to be confused with a pear or a bomb).

The crystalline beverage is appealing. Tiny droplets of sweat drip down the gentle curves of the glass. A ring of moisture creeps out from beneath. White linen absorbs the dewy gift. The yellow crescent of lemon salutes!

“Boy am I thirsty!” I exclaim. I grasp the refreshing object in my parched hand and put it to my lips. Yuck.   My nose registers ‘bouquet de chlorine’, an aroma that takes me back…

My thoughts now zoom to a childhood scenario with a hundred screaming kids at a public swimming pool. I am doing my best mermaid impersonation. I surface. My stunning grace, dolphin-like water ‘batics, is being filmed by my personal life-video film crew (they accompany me everywhere and always). My moment of glory is marred as some dumb, fat kid jumps right in front of me with a huge splash, jamming my nose, to the eyeballs with a tidal wave of urine infested, chlorinated pool water. Downer!

I return to the restaurant. In a state of dismay I put down the glass and ask for a wine. Margarita, anyone?

This chlorine sensitivity does not affect everyone like it does me, but do keep in mind that I am your canary, and when I fall into a tizzy you are not far behind, you are just a little tougher than me. I cannot even begin to discuss the tizzy I fall into after drinking the Margarita, but at least it doesn’t stink! The poison budget includes such nasties as booze. Celiacs beware the Vodka; it is made with grain these days.

Soup Stock

Always check your soy sauce source for gluten. Tamari is usually gluten free and should say so on the label. Asians use barley for sweetener and barley is very high in gluten.

  • Kukicha Twig Tea
  • Green tea
  • Simmered bones
  • Simmered veggies
  • Road Kill (Just Kidding!)
  • Diluted Juices

Stock can be made or bought, but I recommend making your own. Check labels when you buy. Avoid anything hydrolyzed, flavorings, msg and brewer’s yeast and sodium. They really pour it in to the cans and the bouillon cubes.

Two Potato Soup

1 large jewel yam

4 yellow flesh potatoes

1 bunch red chard

1 clove garlic

1 small leek

1 16 oz. Can coconut milk

1 T seaweed

1 quart chicken stock

Salt to taste

3 T light cooking oil (grapeseed is my current preference)

Saute potatoes and leek for 15 minutes. Then add the other ingredients and heat the entire mixture on low. This one is so creamy, you will swear you are eating gluten!

Mexican Miso Soup       •      Frijoles-San


red bell peppers

summer squash,

poblano peppers,

potatoes, and Leek

2 quarts water

salt to taste

1 tsp. GF soy sauce  

1 tsp. cumin

1 tsp. garlic

1 cup cooked & mashed winter squash

Sauté’ veggies in olive oil until tender.

Add the spices to the oil and veggies. Stir that around for a minute or two and add the water. Simmer the soup for 30 minutes. Add miso to each bowl and mix with a small amount of soup stock before adding the soup. You know, equal parts of goop and water.

Smush miso with a fork until thoroughly blended. Wallie! Miso must not boil or it will lose its enzyme value and that enzyme is why we eat it!

So pay attention and never boil your miso. You can reheat it later; just keep the flame very low. Don’t boil your miso. It is your enzyme friend. It does the same thing in your tummy that yogurt does without the dairy.

Don’t boil your miso

Iatrogenic Disorder

Yesterday the womun dentist pulled two side teeth. Last Night. I ran out of Lithium and and did not sleep a wink.. Not one stinkin’ wink until about 5 AM. Do you see the problem? Two factors in one!

  1. Allergic to Acetaminophen
  2. Lithium makes me sleepy

Anyway, I did not stand a chance. At least I know the story. The story of me. I have spent my entire life figuring me out and am proud to say, I know me fairly well. It feels good. Screw ups still happen and now I know why. Sometimes I gamble and lose and sometimes, like last night I block out the truth in hopes it will not catch up to me. At 3AM I suddenly got in touch with my symptoms and “remembered” that I must not take that stuff. I took a small dose thinking a bit of pain relief would be nice,  and two days later, I am still buzzed. Back in  the day when the pill doctor told me I could take up to 4K a day without liver damage, I was using 1K per day. Pain is the mind killer (Dune). It wasn’t long until I lay awake all night with restless leg syndrome! This is a horrible problem. All night the victims stretches her legs over and over for relief from a fleeting and remitting tightening. The she rolls over and tries another position, but there is no relief, no rest and no relief. Stretching and shifting every ten seconds is an awful way to spend the night. Did I mention “no relief?” Involuntarily stretching, all night.

Yes, my Brilliant Ones, Restless Leg Syndrome is an allergic reaction to pharmaceuticals. It is an Iatrogenic disease! (doctor caused). Today I can’t turn my head without hearing bells ring. That’s what I get from 400mg of Tylenol. Can you imagine what it does to a baby? People give that shit to children all the time.

“The doctor said it is safe.”

The Devil is Refined

I like to say that dairy is pus and flour is paste and refined powders are addictive, like granulated and powdered sugar, cocaine, heroin and meth. Anything that goes from a recognizable plant to a fine white powder is the Devil. This page is all about remembering that the only good food comes in her original package not in plastic, cardboard or even glass. Eat the apple, leave the juice. It has all the life filtered out of it.

Coca leaves are not addicting, but refined cocaine is a pimp and you are an innocent young maiden hearing his exciting promises of wealth and independence. No contest.


“Coca is known throughout the world for its psychoactive alkaloid, cocaine. The alkaloid content of coca leaves is low, between 0.25% and 0.77%.[4] This means that chewing the leaves or drinking coca tea does not produce the high (euphoria, megalomania, depression) people experience with cocaine. Coca leaf extract had been used in Coca-Cola products since 1885, with cocaine being completely eliminated from the products on or around 1929.[5][6] Extraction of cocaine from coca requires several solvents and a chemical process known as an acid/base extraction, which can fairly easily extract the alkaloids from the plant.”   Wikipedia


Milk of the poppy is a valuable pain reliever that is not addicting when used for a short time. Like anything used more than 30 days, it will become a standard of daily life and thus a possible addiction. 

Meth comes from ephedra, which is highly enervating, but I was able to stop when I couldn’t sleep. I wanted to sleep more than I desired to twirl around the house cooking and sweeping. The thing is, meth is far removed from its ancestor ephedra or Ma Huang, as the Chinese call it. We called it “stick tea” in the Southwest. Is is a lung remedy and a “happy drink”.

Ephedra-SinicaMeth comes from a pharmaceutical derivative. It is born from many levels of refinement. Below you can see the hard crystals that are manufactured from the plant above. Those sores on the faces below are typical of using the crystal. Using the plant does not mess you up like these poor crystal-addicted folks.

The farther we go from the source, the more intense are the effects. White sugar does not resemble a big fat sugar beet. After two years of Macrobiotics, I tasted a sugar drink and spit it out because it was too intense. That sugar taste was beyond my tolerance.


This Ted Talk is so enlightening. I know you will like it…

The Tao of Chow